i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
