and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
