We got so high we made milksteak
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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