yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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