I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
These tits shall not be calmed
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