I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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