I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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