ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
