Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
