Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
