the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
50% drunk capacity currently
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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