id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
