stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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