its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
