I feel like abortions should bother me more
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Randomize
