new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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