Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
