Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
BRING THE BAGELS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize