i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
