im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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