why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Shame is for Republicans.
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