She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
