were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
