Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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