my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
