God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i think my cat just said my name.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
