used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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