so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
