We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
