just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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