I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
