If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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