and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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