Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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