are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
