I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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