ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
