I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
