so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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