i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
