i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
