Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
