Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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