he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
