i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
