You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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