Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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