Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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