why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize