My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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