epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
