I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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