her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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