If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There r osticjed everywhere
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
