She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
