i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
