Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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