Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
