she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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