Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
