Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
