im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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