What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
