my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize